I’m flying home tonight from Atlanta to Harrisburg. I checked in and when I got to security, I discovered that I was standing behind a group of about 60 Brazilian exchange students. I’m sure you can appreciate the scene. They’re all wearing the same T-shirts. They’ve been in America for a week. Nobody speaks English.

Since I’ve been there before, I can appreciate what these kids are going through. By chance, I happened to be standing next to one of their adult chaperones, who also did not speak any English. As they’re walking through security, the ding-dongs are barking out their usual orders about taking off your shoes and removing your laptops. To no one’s surprise, the kids are doing everything wrong. I attribute this to the fact that they are 1) kids and 2) do not speak English. As the TSA guy became more and more agitated, I spoke up from the back of the line and said, “Perhaps the problem is that they don’t speak English”. Since he ignored me, I kept repeating this, at increasing volumes, until the idiot acknowledged that I was speaking to him. He turned to the chaperone and said (this is a quote),

"I’m really sorry but my Spanish is lousy. I don’t know enough to speak to them."

I politely reminded the moron that their Spanish was probably as bad as his, since they were speaking Portuguese, but he chose to ignore me again. The chaperone only heard the word "Spanish" and assumed this fellow was trying to communicate with her using another tongue. She returned in that language (a normal response) which just about set the TSA guy off for the moon. Before he could go nuts, I jumped in and explained what was going on and she asked the natural question, "You mean this guy can’t tell the difference between Spanish and Portuguese".

I was so incredibly embarrassed. I normally do not talk about someone in front of them in a language they do not understand, but I made an exception for this jerk. I apologized to her and explained that most Americans are far more intelligent than the guy doing the security checkpoint. He continued mumbling words in Spanish while we were discussing him, and this poor lady asked me what he was doing. I told her that he wanted his idiocy to be on display so that everyone could know how stupid he was, and she got a good laugh out of it. This whole exchange was totally ridiculous.

Are we honestly entrusting our safety and securing to this group of lunatics? What is wrong with the TSA? Do they only hire people with low IQ’s? Last week, while I was in Malaysia, I put a screwdriver in my backpack with the intention of putting it in my toolbox once I returned to the hotel. Naturally, I forgot about it and left it in my backpack. (This also serves as my carry-on) I carried that screwdriver through three different checkpoints and had it aboard three different airplanes during the course of the trip. Not one of those idiots found it. One of these checkpoints was an American one, since I had a layover at LAX. In case you think they’re in too much of a hurry, the gang at LAX sent my bag through the x-ray twice and then did a hand inspection because they said I was carrying too many coins in my backpack. Again, after all that, they never found the screwdriver that I forgot. I found it in there on Monday morning when I got to work.

These people are an embarrassment. They should be forced to take a tougher civil service exam, at the very least. I would also recommend and IQ test and, if possible, find a way to test their common sense. We’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel here, and there is no excuse for it. Our country can do much better.